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Dating an introvert reddit mma

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Big community funding update! As an introvert, I struggle to meet women outside of Dating an introvert reddit mma May 16, 9: I have what is to me the coolest job ever - I get to give massages and spend time in the quiet with others.

Outside of work, I have a life that gets me a disruptive degree of attention from my friends - I've been playing guitar and bass for almost 15 years, I make jewelry, know computers extremely well, love dogs and work with one almost every day, and speak three languages. From the sex and gender I'm not interested in. My close friends are close, but I'm bad at acquaintances; I don't enjoy shallow interactions like small talk, preferring silence with others instead.

This has been a great filter for weeding out friends who I'm not actually compatible with long-term term, but doesn't serve me at all where romance is concerned. My life doesn't lack for touch because of my work and my roommate massage student. It always goes like this: I met a woman.

She's interesting but because of my history of scaring away girls, I shy away from being too friendly, preferring to be kind of aloof and disinterested as I let her talk about her life.

If she's interesting enough, I ask to meet up for Dating an introvert reddit mma and go hang out in Portland. I start to share pieces of my life, excluding my sexuality. As soon as I am honest about why I enjoy martial arts, barefoot running, parkour, or anything physically intense.

I like constructive pain - i can honestly say this helped me discover my deeper humanity This scares away most everyone even from being my friend? I'm convinced this is where the biggest failure point lies, but I haven't seen an effective solution. She's still interested and single? Nobody's made it this far in the years since I've rebuilt my life. I keep meeting girls that I'm interested in that are happily taken and I get to be regaled about the sexuality of others when this happens - useful, but never pleasant.

Dating an introvert reddit mma experiences with online dating were so bad I've almost deleted my online presence in favor of building connections in person this has been helpful. Fetlife meetups are always right around my bedtime or are on days I work, so that route hasn't worked out yet. I absolutely refuse to meet clients outside of work. That is what both my boss and friends have suggested; my boss made this suggestion simply because I'm single and she can't understand how I am single.

That idea turns my my creep-o-meter to maximum, and considering how bad my boundaries have been in the past, I consider this immense progress. I get female attention I am told I'm handsome on a regular basis, and have been good about not letting the objectivism define how I see myself but it's never from women who seem interesting to me Usually, I look at them and see either desperation or a degree of fetishism, usually both.

I've been an object to be cherished by multiple partners and it's gross. If it's not those, it's girls who don't value the intelligence within themselves, and I can't hold a conversation with them to save my life.

This right here could be the other large failure point but again, I haven't found a good solution that is true to myself and gets me the attention I desire. Communication advice, advice on where to meet people, inappropriate boundaries, and even advice for self development are all appreciated. Ask clarifying questions if you need - this is important enough to me that I am happy to become an open book to sort out the "why?

Maybe they just don't dig you. I'll cut you some slack because the format of ask means you have to describe yourself, but the whole "I speak so many languages and it makes me so desirable!

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Join the "scene" as noob with a local "sponsor" of sorts? I get female attention but it's never from women who seem interesting to me. Usually, I look at them and see either desperation or a degree of fetishism, usually both.

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This is a you thing, not just a them thing. I do this myself, and it's something I'm working on now because what it actually is, is a defense mechanism. If someone likes me, I don't like them, so I get to decry my lack of prospects even when I'm surrounded by them.

You kind of elide your past poor boundaries. I wonder if you are now overcompensating by throwing up walls left and right. You'll never solve this if you can't see the walls. Also, have you considered joining gyms or meetups in the context of: Your friends are all men? Nothing you've described about yourself or your interests sounds intrinsically male to me, so how is it that no women have made it through your friend-filtering?

Figuring that out might help with the romance prospects not least because female friends can introduce you to their female friends. Good on you for the work boundary thing. It seems pretty weird to me that your boss should actually suggest that you do such a thing as she suggests, especially in your field. You say you're a sadist, then describe your masochistic activities. Maybe you're both, but that's unclear. Along that front, you don't need to tell them about all your impressive activities and follow up with your philosophy on pain.

As a painting undergrad, you may imagine that I had what I Dating an introvert reddit mma to be important convictions about painting, popular art, representation, and so forth. Do you think most people want to hear that when they first ask, "So what do you do? About all of your "inner intelligence" and "desperation and fetishism" stuff, you're making all kinds of assumptions about people you don't know that you have no way of backing up.

You mention rebuilding and recovering from boundary issues. I'm sorry to go with the AskMe go-to, but therapy would be ideal for unpacking those assumptions and your personal reasons for those assumptions. That's what it's for, and that's what it does. And, as you say, aloof?

Talking about all of your intense activities and devotion to constructive pain? And in that context, a masseuse and sadist?

From the information provided here it seems likely my first impression of you would not be good, and we'd never get into discussing David Belle, fighting styles, or barefoot running mechanics because, like you, I don't like to make time for the arrogant and uninteresting, much less the potentially violent.

Realize, I'm going off of a few paragraphs here, and you're asking, so please excuse my own assumptions here as they may reflect the assumptions of your acquaintances. Dating an introvert reddit mma does "interesting" mean to you? Sorry about the typo Jacqueline. I get a lot of disinterest too but I didn't mention that because unlike a fear response usually wide eyes and backtracking on their interest I don't take disinterest personally but I'm so tired of making people feel scared that it had become a personal thing.

More to say when I get home but I can't type it out on my phone. Thank you everyone who has replied so far. So, I think the dominance thing may be a red herring here. This issue is not the dominance, but the loneliness, which has in the past led you to come on way too strong. As a woman I can tell you that guys of all stripes come on too strong, and as a dominant person I can Dating an introvert reddit mma you that you can absolutely approach women in not-scary ways. And the thing is, now you know you've come on too strong in the past, but you don't know how to sucessfully NOT do that, so instead you just act super aloof.

"Dating an introvert reddit mma" trying to NOT do [bad thing], but you don't have a sense of how to do [opposite of bad thing]. What word were you trying to write? Given that you listed it above the fold as one of the three reasons women are afraid of you, I assume it's important. Do you ask questions Dating an introvert reddit mma the other person, try to Dating an introvert reddit mma to know them and see what they're interested in?

Comfortable silences are fine when you know some one, but if some guy is trying to get to know but makes me do all the tap-dancing of conversation, I'll probably excuse myself and go find someone who seems interested in me.

I don't enjoy shallow interactions like small talk, preferring silence with others instead. Small talk does not have to be a shallow interaction! Small talk is the means by which people get to know each other enough that the big and meaty talks can happen. If you find it shallow, find better small talk. It does not need to be about the weather or about Dating an introvert reddit mma local sports team, it can be about day-to-day things you are both doing or watching or experiencing -- this should be easy as you've got heaps of hobbies and interests, and if you can listen in return it oughtn't be a shallow or banal experience.

You want to avoid being objectified. You're losing potential partners because they're making snap judgements about you and possibly getting scared off. I'd like you to reflect on if you may be doing the same: This does sound a bit like a snap judgement on your part. How do you genuinely know? Don't expect someone to show you their deep and real self on first contact -- you yourself know how hard it is, and how easy it is to give the wrong impression.

I've been dating this wonderful...

You're probably missing out on heaps of really Dating an introvert reddit mma female friends, to say the least. I used to be silent in clubbing and social situations around potential-date women because I thought I gabbled too much and that maybe they'd think I was super reserved and cool. Turned out potential-date women generally thought I was super Do you have a variant of nice guy syndrome?

It kind of sounds like it. There is nothing about your resume that should be a problem for the right subset of people, and it's not even a small subset these days with the trendiness of BDSM. And to add--if Dating an introvert reddit mma words aren't your strong point, then let your eyes, your facial expressions and your body language communicate interest but not in a creepy "undressing her with your eyes" way.

Even the strong, silent types like Gary Cooper in old movies know how to show a woman that they like and appreciate her. Make eye contact, show that you're paying attention when she talks and that you're not just thinking about what to say next and be warm and engaged.

You may hate small talk, but it's a social convention for a reason.

It's creates a safe space to spend time with and get comfortable around a person before moving into advanced levels of increasing intimacy. Don't be so quick to dismiss it or those who engage in it as uninteresting. Not to be mean, but you need to get over "Dating an introvert reddit mma." Most Popular.

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Finding good people to date...

DASHED LINES. CUT OUT ALONG. 91mm 3. mm. 3/8". 4. My experiences with online dating were so bad I've almost deleted my online . feeling isn't that unusual among athletes (see endurance sports, MMA, etc). Reddit is anathema to a lot of the metafilter crew, for some good.

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